I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
