Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
