Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
