So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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