There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
