they need to just BURY HIM!
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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