either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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