Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
