Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
