Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
