we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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