I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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