My pussy is not your playground.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
