Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
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