She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
