She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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