I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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