I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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