so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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