I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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