Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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