So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
