who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
