if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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