My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
