I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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