they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
