And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
