Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
