yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
