I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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