Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
