Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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