Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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