Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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