i would one night stand the shit outta him
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
