Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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