The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
