My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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