He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
