dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
