"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
