There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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