How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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