Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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