woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
There r osticjed everywhere
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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