I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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