dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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