Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
