I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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