I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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