Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
