Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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